Movement and stillness

Movement is essential to life, but so is stillness. If you can’t appreciate one, you can’t fully appreciate the other.

http://matadornetwork.com/bnt/travelled-nonstop-5-years-heres-learned-im-glad/

Back and going again?

SO. I have not been updating this space but I feel compelled to type today. I find that everytime I'm going through a transition, from happy to sad/high to low and vice versa, I need to type. I need to get my thoughts out. I just got back from China. The trip was part of the big SEA trip that I've been wanting to do.

The original plan was supposed to be Singapore - China but I guess given the practicalities of my situation - I'd covered most of Malaysia and most of the other SEAsian countries in the past years, I didn't want to do the whole stretch alone, I had Mengying to do Vietnam with -  I decided to let myself let go of my fixation on SEA Overland and just cover Vietnam and China. I used to think a trip like that would need a lot of planning and pre-arranging but after all the travelling I've done and because I wasn't rushing against time, I let this trip be super chill and relaxed. We came up with an outline on our schedule, threw in stuff we knew we wanted to do and basically just went with the flow for the rest of it.

Initially I wanted to just cover Vietnam and a bit of China but my plans developed and I became fixated on the possibility of staying in China for longer. I tried to get a 3 month visa in Singapore but was met with the need of having evidence of travel out of China. How I'm expected to have something like that booked when I don't even know if I'll get a visa - I don't know! So I decided to give up on getting the visa in Singapore and decided to go to Hanoi to do it instead. At this point in time, I was leaving it up to fate and was being very chill about it. If it worked out, I'd stay longer, if not, I'd come home. BUTTT as the trip went on, my fixation on staying longer in China grew. I reaaaally wanted to at least get my butt to Yunnan. We had a small window of 4 hours to do my visa application in Hanoi but that window closed when we arrived in the city later than we expected. Met with yet another bump in my  plan, I calmly decided that I would get an extension in China instead. It was my last resort. I wasn't sure if it would work but I would try it. My gut already told me when I was back in Singapore that it might not work out and as always, my gut was right. Free visas can't get extensions in China. Info was scarce online and I couldn't have known. Given that I had already told my family I would come back if the visa didn't work out, I decided to do that. Bought a flight home and decided to spend the rest of my time in Yangshuo.

I told myself it would be fine, Yunnan can wait, I shouldn't push it, I should keep to my word, my family wants me home. I was doing good making peace with my decision until I got to Yangshuo again. I started rockclimbing, hanging out with these guys, getting into a bit of a routine, getting comfortable. As 7 September drew closer, the inner battle became louder. I didn't want to leave but I had to. I was legitimately sad the whole way to the airport and had a shit time trying to keep my emotions together. I kept wanting to cry, tearing up thinking about the past days, the moments, the people. Waking up in my own bed that first morning back broke my heart. I cried. I don't think I'd ever gotten withdrawal that bad before. I wasn't ready to be back and yet here I was.





Fast forward a couple of days, my emotions have calmed down a bit and I'm now playing with the possibility of going back to China. Not to go back to how amazing my last couple of days in Yangshuo had been but to go back to do what I wanted to do. Yunnan. I woke up yesterday morning, scrolled through my insta feed and it dawned on me that I wanted to do a good hike. I hadn't done it this year. Rinjani was supposed to be it but that didn't work out, Sapa fed that craving but it wasn't enough. That was what I wanted. I want the freedom of just travelling without commitments or a fixed plan and I want to feed the adventurous soul in me. The one in search of a good cycle in amazing landscape, a good hike that'll leave me breathless.

I'm not saying for certain what I'm going to do next but it will involve one of those things. China is a definite consideration. We'll see how things go. Cup half empty is I'm sad and moping about the days past and cup half full is me realizing I still have all this freedom, there is no pressure to settle and I can figure out what I want to do next in terms of travel. It is all good.

2016

I am at a bad place. Emotional.

Another month of firsts!

I'm into my second week of university! Trimester 4 and just 1 more to go! How time has flown.

So this trimester break, I had about three full weeks to gallivant but I decided to take it easy and do short trips instead of back to back trips like the last break. I needed to work more anyways and I wanted to spend more time at home (lazing haha).

Even though I wasn't travelling around as much, in true Desiree fashion, I made sure I was doing shit! And do shit I did!
 
It was yet another holiday break of firsts. I see a pattern forming with my school breaks. I'm always pushing myself to experience new things whenever I get the chance to. Last holiday it was filled with some good Malaysia loving, volunteering at a turtle conservation centre for a week on Tioman and tripping from place to place for 11 days around Malaysia .

When one travels, it is basically doing stuff for the first time and gaining new experiences and feeling alive. I guess that's largely why I love it. Waking up in Juara/Ipoh/Penang/Langkawi, finding street art on your own, exploring places without your parents, ziplining through Langkawi's forests, rockclimbing on granite walls, beach patrols for turtle nests at 6.30am in the morning, snorkelling alone.

This holiday I didn't pack my 3 week break as much as the last and it was exactly how I wanted it to be. I had just any many first experiences though.

For starters, I am officially an Open Water Diver! Woohoooo. Spent 10-14 October with Lynette on Salang, Tioman and got certified with B&J Dive Centre. We really lucked out with a great instructor - Faizal! He was super chill, knowledgeable, clear in his instruction and he was hilarious. So thankful we got him and so glad I got to do this with Lynette! Travelling with her is easy and always so chill and fun.

I now know why people get hooked on diving! It truly is a completely different realm for one to explore. I said to someone, "It's like a blessing and a curse because now you have this whole new world to explore but that just adds on to your already long list of things you want to do before you die." Haha. We got lucky and got to see a turtle twice during our first fun dive! Unfortunately, no photos of us diving but here are some other photos!

 

 Oh and something else I did for the first time! Beer funnel!! They called it the "Snorkel Test" and said it was something we had to do after we passed. Haha. I downed a bottle of cider and some weirdass mixture and within 5 minutes, I was not able to function normally. It was quite an experience. Haha. Not sure if they're laughing at me in the photo below but I love it because it captures how ridick that evening was. In my semi-functionable state, I actually managed to take photos of people with my horrid phone flash. Haha.

 
Next on the list of firsts - rockclimbing and tree climbing at Dairy Farm Quarry! I rockclimbed on a natural rock wall for the first time in Singapore! That was a pretty awesome day with Nina. I joined a 3 in 1 rockclimb + tree climb + trek activity with the Singapore Adventure Nature Lovers group on Meetup. We got to explore Dairy Farm - a place I had not been to since I was a child during dad's SHHH Family Day. It was great fun experiencing a new place in our own backyard. I did not think I would ever get the chance to rockclimb at Dairy Farm but alas, I now have that under my belt! Also tried tree climbing, the professional arborist way - something I'd always wanted to try ever since I started working with NParks.

24-26 October! Kayaked 36km around Pulau Sibu and Pulau Tinggi!

Most days I'm me

Somedays I'm thankful and content,
Somedays I wish things were better.

Somedays I'm high strung and chatty,
Somedays I'm low and I just want to keep to myself.

Somedays I'm fulfilled and I want proclaim how good life is,
Somedays I vacillate between sadness and telling myself I'll be okay.

Somedays  I'm all postivity,
Somedays I struggle with demons of negativity.

Somedays I'm confident as hell,
Somedays I struggle with loving myself.

Somedays I love being alone and I embrace my independence,
Somedays I feel lonely and I wish I had someone.

Somedays, most of these days, all these days, I'm me.

I Lived

I love this song. Every line resonates. I hope when I'm dying/dead, I'll
be able to say "I lived.". So far, I like to think I'm on the right
track (pun not intended haha).



Hope when you take that jump, you don't fear the fall
Hope when the water rises, you built a wall
Hope when the crowd screams out, they're screaming your name
Hope if everybody runs, you choose to stay

Hope that you fall in love, and it hurts so bad
The only way you can know is give it all you have
And I hope that you don't suffer but take the pain
Hope when the moment comes, you'll say...

I, I did it all
I, I did it all
I owned every second that this world could give
I saw so many places, the things that I did
With every broken bone, I swear I lived

Hope that you spend your days, but they all add up
And when that sun goes down, hope you raise your cup
Oh, I wish that I could witness all your joy and all your pain
But until my moment comes, I'll say...

I, I did it all
I, I did it all
I owned every second that this world could give
I saw so many places, the things that I did
With every broken bone, I swear I lived.

It has been a long while

Hello blog, my old friend.

It has been a while.

Uni has been great. I love that I'm studying what I'm studying. I have an increased interest in the natural world and I often find myself marveling at how much there is to know and learn - how the tiniest parts on creatures have names, how there are people studying stuff I never imagined anyone would study (i.e. flies that are attracted to dung...say WHUUTTT?), how evolution works, how sustainability can play a part in the economy, in policies. It has been such fun. My mind has been expanding.

Travel wise, I managed to squeeze in trips during my trimester breaks. Mainly to Malaysia.

6-10 February:
During my first break, I took a 5 day trip to Malaysia. The trip had two parts - Malacca with MY and LX and then KL with Lynette. It was initially just going to be a weekend trip to Malacca with the girls but I was dying to rockclimb and Lynette was keen to try it so I extended the trip!

The first part of the adventure was heading to Malacca via Larkin Bus Terminal! Dad was pretty pissed that I was going via Larkin, said it was unnecessary and dangerous but I did it anyway. It wasn't as bad as dad made it out to seem so I was glad I didn't give in to his fear. Malacca was easy to get to and get around, I think mainly coz I had been there before. We didn't eat as much as we thought we would but we explored a lot more of Malacca. Chose to cycle around Malacca so that was a first. Visited Bukit Cina for the first time, hiked up to the top of the hill. Always lots of fun when it's the 3 of us.We even cycled to Baba Charlie's house to get kueh!

On the 8th, I split with the girls as they headed back to Singapore and I to KL. Lynette and I managed to time our arrivals perfectly and I met her within 30 minutes of arriving at TBS. A first for both of us, heading to KL alone. Also our first trip together alone! We travel so well together, it made everything really easy. We only had one full day at KL so we rockclimbed, saw a bit of Batu Caves and then spent the rest of the evening shopping even though we were exhausted from the morning climb. Batu Caves was challenging to climb but so much fun! Helped that the company we climbed with were professional - Verticale - would definitely recommend climbing with them. Met a charming ah beng hostel assistant haha and also bedbugs but all part of the adventure I guess haha.

15-21 June:
Juara Turtle Project! I had my eye on volunteering at Juara for a while now and I finally got down to doing it! I wanted to stay for a week but had to cut my stint short because of Baby E's 1 month celebration. Was prepared to go at it alone but N joined me literally one week before the trip. It was nice having her along, someone to break the silence and share it with me.

Volunteering at JTP was an amazing experience and I would do it again in a heartbeat. I did things I'd never done, learned stuff I never knew. I loved living in a kampung, I loved having to do chores that involved manual labour. We cycled on bicycles with no brakes, shoveled composts with cockroaches, I learned to use a machete and chopped my first log all by myself! Within the first day I had so much new knowledge about sea turtles that even I was amazed at how much I had absorbed. We snorkelled, kayaked, did beach patrols at night. We released baby turtles and witnessed them raring to go in their nests. The whole experience was so much fun. I loved that JTP's focus was conservation and education and that their staff were committed to keeping it that way. Throughout my stint, I was so glad that I was finally getting involved in a conservation effort and I was even more thankful that it was at JTP.

Unfortunately (or fortunately haha), we didn't get to see a mother nesting while we were there but I think that just means another stint is due..

Oh and I even managed to rockclimb! One week before the trip I had the rockclimbing itches again and I googled for places to rockclimb on Tioman and lo and behold! There was rockclimbing right on Juara! Such luck! Unfortunately I only managed to do 3 routes because the guys that brought me climbing were fasting and tired. I was a bit disappointed but was glad I managed to get on some rocks so I let them earn my money pretty easily.

We left Juara on the 20th but ended up staying on Tioman another night because of our ferry misadventure. I sometimes surprise myself with how calm I can be. Coz calm I was when I found out the ferry wouldn't be showing and we'd have to stay another night. It was a nice bonding sesh with Sukhi and N though so even though shit happened, the most of it was made. Haha.

24 June - 3 July:
KL-Ipoh-Penang-Langkawi with MY! An 11 day trip which strangely, felt much longer. We ate in KL, trained to Ipoh, wandered around Ipoh's Old and New Towns and stuffed our faces with good food, explored Penang's streets and had one heck of an adventure at Langkawi. Langkawi was amazing. We stayed at Soluna Guesthouse which was nestled in the countryside and was very kampung-ish - reminded me so much of Juara. We drove around during our time there, chased waterfalls and hunted down beaches. Saw the most dramatic sunset at Tanjung Rhu Beach and amazeballs scenery from one of her Gunungs and had one of the most amazing snorkelling experiences at Pulau Payar! Langkawi is beaaautiful and so easy to navigate. I drove for the first time overseas too and almost got into an accident but that's a story for another day haha. 

I shall end this word heavy post with this instagram post - my favourite moment at the end of everyday at Soluna Guesthouse

 I want to remember this.  The sound of crickets and cicadas, cows mooing, the call to prayer from a mosque in the distance, the smell of burnt wood, the gentle breeze, the dancing leaves of the tree beside me, the occasional sound of a motorbike, the floor boards of the owner's house creaking, the clear night sky, the swaying of my hammock. Peace. Being in the now. Living. Thankful.

 
Until next time!