Most days I'm me

Somedays I'm thankful and content,
Somedays I wish things were better.

Somedays I'm high strung and chatty,
Somedays I'm low and I just want to keep to myself.

Somedays I'm fulfilled and I want proclaim how good life is,
Somedays I vacillate between sadness and telling myself I'll be okay.

Somedays  I'm all postivity,
Somedays I struggle with demons of negativity.

Somedays I'm confident as hell,
Somedays I struggle with loving myself.

Somedays I love being alone and I embrace my independence,
Somedays I feel lonely and I wish I had someone.

Somedays, most of these days, all these days, I'm me.

I Lived

I love this song. Every line resonates. I hope when I'm dying/dead, I'll
be able to say "I lived.". So far, I like to think I'm on the right
track (pun not intended haha).



Hope when you take that jump, you don't fear the fall
Hope when the water rises, you built a wall
Hope when the crowd screams out, they're screaming your name
Hope if everybody runs, you choose to stay

Hope that you fall in love, and it hurts so bad
The only way you can know is give it all you have
And I hope that you don't suffer but take the pain
Hope when the moment comes, you'll say...

I, I did it all
I, I did it all
I owned every second that this world could give
I saw so many places, the things that I did
With every broken bone, I swear I lived

Hope that you spend your days, but they all add up
And when that sun goes down, hope you raise your cup
Oh, I wish that I could witness all your joy and all your pain
But until my moment comes, I'll say...

I, I did it all
I, I did it all
I owned every second that this world could give
I saw so many places, the things that I did
With every broken bone, I swear I lived.

It has been a long while

Hello blog, my old friend.

It has been a while.

Uni has been great. I love that I'm studying what I'm studying. I have an increased interest in the natural world and I often find myself marveling at how much there is to know and learn - how the tiniest parts on creatures have names, how there are people studying stuff I never imagined anyone would study (i.e. flies that are attracted to dung...say WHUUTTT?), how evolution works, how sustainability can play a part in the economy, in policies. It has been such fun. My mind has been expanding.

Travel wise, I managed to squeeze in trips during my trimester breaks. Mainly to Malaysia.

6-10 February:
During my first break, I took a 5 day trip to Malaysia. The trip had two parts - Malacca with MY and LX and then KL with Lynette. It was initially just going to be a weekend trip to Malacca with the girls but I was dying to rockclimb and Lynette was keen to try it so I extended the trip!

The first part of the adventure was heading to Malacca via Larkin Bus Terminal! Dad was pretty pissed that I was going via Larkin, said it was unnecessary and dangerous but I did it anyway. It wasn't as bad as dad made it out to seem so I was glad I didn't give in to his fear. Malacca was easy to get to and get around, I think mainly coz I had been there before. We didn't eat as much as we thought we would but we explored a lot more of Malacca. Chose to cycle around Malacca so that was a first. Visited Bukit Cina for the first time, hiked up to the top of the hill. Always lots of fun when it's the 3 of us.We even cycled to Baba Charlie's house to get kueh!

On the 8th, I split with the girls as they headed back to Singapore and I to KL. Lynette and I managed to time our arrivals perfectly and I met her within 30 minutes of arriving at TBS. A first for both of us, heading to KL alone. Also our first trip together alone! We travel so well together, it made everything really easy. We only had one full day at KL so we rockclimbed, saw a bit of Batu Caves and then spent the rest of the evening shopping even though we were exhausted from the morning climb. Batu Caves was challenging to climb but so much fun! Helped that the company we climbed with were professional - Verticale - would definitely recommend climbing with them. Met a charming ah beng hostel assistant haha and also bedbugs but all part of the adventure I guess haha.

15-21 June:
Juara Turtle Project! I had my eye on volunteering at Juara for a while now and I finally got down to doing it! I wanted to stay for a week but had to cut my stint short because of Baby E's 1 month celebration. Was prepared to go at it alone but N joined me literally one week before the trip. It was nice having her along, someone to break the silence and share it with me.

Volunteering at JTP was an amazing experience and I would do it again in a heartbeat. I did things I'd never done, learned stuff I never knew. I loved living in a kampung, I loved having to do chores that involved manual labour. We cycled on bicycles with no brakes, shoveled composts with cockroaches, I learned to use a machete and chopped my first log all by myself! Within the first day I had so much new knowledge about sea turtles that even I was amazed at how much I had absorbed. We snorkelled, kayaked, did beach patrols at night. We released baby turtles and witnessed them raring to go in their nests. The whole experience was so much fun. I loved that JTP's focus was conservation and education and that their staff were committed to keeping it that way. Throughout my stint, I was so glad that I was finally getting involved in a conservation effort and I was even more thankful that it was at JTP.

Unfortunately (or fortunately haha), we didn't get to see a mother nesting while we were there but I think that just means another stint is due..

Oh and I even managed to rockclimb! One week before the trip I had the rockclimbing itches again and I googled for places to rockclimb on Tioman and lo and behold! There was rockclimbing right on Juara! Such luck! Unfortunately I only managed to do 3 routes because the guys that brought me climbing were fasting and tired. I was a bit disappointed but was glad I managed to get on some rocks so I let them earn my money pretty easily.

We left Juara on the 20th but ended up staying on Tioman another night because of our ferry misadventure. I sometimes surprise myself with how calm I can be. Coz calm I was when I found out the ferry wouldn't be showing and we'd have to stay another night. It was a nice bonding sesh with Sukhi and N though so even though shit happened, the most of it was made. Haha.

24 June - 3 July:
KL-Ipoh-Penang-Langkawi with MY! An 11 day trip which strangely, felt much longer. We ate in KL, trained to Ipoh, wandered around Ipoh's Old and New Towns and stuffed our faces with good food, explored Penang's streets and had one heck of an adventure at Langkawi. Langkawi was amazing. We stayed at Soluna Guesthouse which was nestled in the countryside and was very kampung-ish - reminded me so much of Juara. We drove around during our time there, chased waterfalls and hunted down beaches. Saw the most dramatic sunset at Tanjung Rhu Beach and amazeballs scenery from one of her Gunungs and had one of the most amazing snorkelling experiences at Pulau Payar! Langkawi is beaaautiful and so easy to navigate. I drove for the first time overseas too and almost got into an accident but that's a story for another day haha. 

I shall end this word heavy post with this instagram post - my favourite moment at the end of everyday at Soluna Guesthouse

 I want to remember this.  The sound of crickets and cicadas, cows mooing, the call to prayer from a mosque in the distance, the smell of burnt wood, the gentle breeze, the dancing leaves of the tree beside me, the occasional sound of a motorbike, the floor boards of the owner's house creaking, the clear night sky, the swaying of my hammock. Peace. Being in the now. Living. Thankful.

 
Until next time!

Thank you, New Zealand

 

"You fill up my senses like a night in the forest, like the mountains in spring time, like a walk in the rain"
-John Denver

Thank you, New Zealand.

I did it!

I returned from my 3 week maiden voyage to New Zealand 4 days ago. It was probably the most empowering and adventurous 3 weeks of my life and it was such a great experience.

I had travel highs and travel lows. I missed my flight, probably spent way more than I should have overall, stayed in a shitty hostel, did minimal planning and left a lot of days flexible for myself and had things just work out for me. I didn't get the adrenaline rush I thought I would get when I bungy jumped and skydived. I skipped some places I had originally wanted to visit. I met so many people and had so many fleeting conversations and connections. I hiked, cycled and explored alone. I met my childhood friend down South and family up North. I did a 2 day tramp which turned out to be a bit of a bummer due to the weather conditions but I did it, I loved it and I  have no regrets. There were awesome days and some days that didn't quite cut it. There were good experiences and bad experience but the best part of it all was that I did it. I was living the trip, no longer dreaming or planning or anticipating it.

This trip wasn't one of those, far out, leap of the edge into the unknown trips - I wasn't completely alone as I was going to meet family there and I had been to New Zealand twice before but just having done it, is a huge huge milestone for me. Dad did not want me to go at it alone but I pushed through. I forced my wings to spread and I let myself fly. I realized how brave and independent I could be and how much I could push myself.

I am so incredibly glad that I did it.

When I first got back from NZ, I told myself that I needed to get my head in the Uni game and stop thinking about travel but it's been less than 5 days and my itchy travelling feet are itching again. It's all still a sandcastle in the air but perhaps once my 2 years in Uni is done, SG - China Overland and the US of A might happen(!)?

We'll see how things go. Uni calls for now...

Living, fleeting

I want to live a passion filled life. I want to do adventurous things, visit places, experience unforgettable moments, get to know other people, embrace conversations with them, however fleeting, and just live.

When I die, I want to know that I have lived a life worth living. I want to remember these moments and these people with no regrets.

Everything in life is so fleeting. You snorkel with a whale shark for a couple of minutes, dolphins surround your boat and while you're on the way back to the island, you chat with locals and get to know a bit more about the person behind the friendly face, you stand by the crashing waves and look up at the night sky filled with stars, you catch a fish with your father beside you. These moments. They're all so fleeting and special. Once they pass, they pass and only exist in your memory.

I just got back from the Maldives yesterday and I feel this strange mix of happiness and sadness. Withdrawal symptoms. It was an 8 day trip and it passed so quickly. It was also filled with so many special moments - encounters with beautiful marine creatures and conversations with lovely local people. I feel blessed and grateful to have experienced all that but at the same time, there's this sadness that it's over and that the moments have passed.

I guess the saying "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." rings true now. I need to focus more on the blessing of having had these moments and people in my life. Moments pass quickly and I must remember to always make the most of it while it is happening.

Anyway, here's a quick poem that my father shared with me when I was younger:

"What is life?
It is the flash of a firefly in the night.
It is the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime.
It is the little shadow which runs across
the grass and loses itself in the sunset."

Crowfoot, Blackfoot warrior and orator 1830 - 1890

He explained it to me then but I didn't really get it. Now I think I kinda do.

Adventure, travel, death, living

I found out recently that a blogger from the travel community was kidnapped and murdered while he was attempting a motorcycle adventure across South America. I'm a pretty regular follower of several travel blogs. They help fuel my wanderlust and I draw travel inspiration and advice from them. They're an avenue that tells me that I can do the trips I want, that I can travel, that I don't have to conform to societal pressures because there are so many out there living passionate and travel filled lives. They also reinforce my belief in all the good and beauty that is in this world. These blogs are mainly positive influences and you don't usually read about the dark side of travel, the side that takes lives or changes them in ways that aren't so positive.

When I read about what happened to 32 year old traveller, Harry Devert, it was a reminder of the bad things that could happen. The kind that would hurt your family, the kind that my dad worries about, the kind that many fear. These things are not limited to kidnappings and murders. There is so much else that could go wrong when one travels and the longer one is on the road, the more trips one takes or the more far flung and dangerous these places, the higher the chances of something unfortunate happening.

It's tremendously sad what happened to Harry and a stark reminder of the bad in the world. He was a lover of life, of people and of the world. How he lived resonates with how many of us hope and/or strive to live.

When I found out what happened, I visited his blog and read his most recent post titled "Sense of Adventure". I would just like to reproduce several parts of his post that resonated with me. These paragraphs do not only represent how I view adventure, they also offer a non-judgmental perspective of other people and also captured what an amazing human being Harry probably was. I hope to be more like that, without prejudices or judgements. I hope to love and accept and understand others like Harry did. I also hope to jump headfirst into life, without fears or inhibitions, just like he did. He may have passed, but his words live on and I believe he lives in the hearts of many who knew him.

"People talk about things in different ways. There’s a different tone that someone has when they’re talking about work, about news, about the weather. Everyone has had their own adventures, to whatever extent they may be adventurous or whatever extent their life has presented them with the opportunity of being so. Everyone has different adventure tolerances so to speak. Some of my friends will tell me about the time they took a walk on a deserted beach outside of their resort with the same light in their eyes and passion in their voice as another friend will tell me about climbing a mountain. The particular adventure doesn’t matter as much as the feeling one gets when one is being adventurous. "

"Some people have a greater sense of adventure than others, undoubtedly, some people more cautious and some more carefree, but I can’t help but think that everyone has it in them. Some people dream of traveling the world, climbing mountains, sailing across oceans or down jungle rivers, and some people dream about owning a house, getting a promotion, buying a new watch or eating at a new restaurant. No matter what it is however, I feel like adventure is that delving into the unknown, and everyone has that desire in them. For some that unknown is a far away country, for others it’s a different part of town. There’s not one that is ultimately greater than the other since in the end it’s the emotion that results in the individual that matters, and if I get the same sensation, the same thrill sleeping in a cave in a jungle as someone else gets from walking down to a deserted part of a beach, who’s to say one person’s adventure is greater than another’s?

Everyone has different dreams. It’s one of the things that make us human. Having a family is an adventure, as is getting married, as is climbing a mountain. We owe it to ourselves to test our limits. To pursue our dreams. To see what we’re really capable of. To push ourselves. It’s one of those most human traits. To have a dream and figure out a way to pursue it. I don’t think many other animal species are capable of that. I doubt there’s anyone who, on their deathbed ever lamented pursuing a passion, pursuing a dream, I imagine in fact it would be quite the opposite. “The saddest thing in life is wasted talent,” Sonny told Calogero in A Bronx Tale. We all have talents, we all have dreams, the amazing thing being that everyone’s talents and dreams are unique. My dreams are undoubtedly different than yours, and that’s what makes us all interesting. It’s what makes us all beautiful."

RIP Mr Devert, I may not have known you previously or in real life but you are an inspiration. May you keep doing what you love up there in heaven and may God bless you and your family.